MIND
My Mind is both my greatest gift and my greatest curse. I am INTRINSICALLY Right-Brained. In other words, I'm the creative dreamer, I go by feelings, emotions, dreams, imagination. HOWEVER, I was raised as a LEFT-brained thinker. I spent my entire life training in computer technology and bio-medical science. I use logic, deductive reasoning, analysis, and pattern recognition to solve problems. So essentially, this is my greatest gift because I am able to cover an entire spectrum of vantage points when it comes to creatively solving a problem. This helps a lot in many aspects of life, but at the same time it is the source of a lot of my pain.
It is my curse because, I think too much. I sometimes OVER analyze a lot of situations and it leads to insanity, madness, and many many sleepless nights. The worst is when the two halves of my brain fight each other. When I feel an EMOTION, I will try to LOGICALLY tell myself why I'm feeling like that, and then its just an endless cycle of turmoil. I need to learn how to CALM the mind. I took a week off earlier to travel, but I'm seeing that it was only a temporary fix. I need to find inner peace, which is what SPIRIT is all about.
BODY
My body improved so drastically, that my MIND and SPIRIT are still trying to catch up. My BODY has more goals to achieve, but I am unable to get MY exercise in, which gets extremely frustrating at times. I spend my weight lifting sessions helping others and I cannot complete even 20% of what needs to be done on a daily basis. I already told myself I would commit 60 days to helping others, so I'm going to keep my word and finish strong, but then I need to take a step back and work on myself again.
SPIRIT
I think this pillar was very new to me. Coming from such a science background, I did not have a religion or any spiritual upbringing. It wasn't until recently, I read a book called the Power of NOW that talks about the importance of spiritual enlightenment. It's very weird stuff, but essentially it teaches you how to calm the mind, how to get rid of emotional pain, how to live in the present moment, and how to reach INNER peace. That means, if you strip away everything you have, your possessions, your social circle, your ego, could you still be "happy" with who you are? Very deep stuff, and I'm still learning a lot.
Basically, the MIND controls the BODY, but the SPIRIT must control the MIND. Your MIND is only a tool used to solve problems, but it should not be who you are at the CORE. lol very deep stuff.
CONCLUSION
I'm being pulled in too many directions right now, with work, with friends, with family, with bootcamp, and the pressure and stress is really affecting me. I don't want to fail anyone.
I think the hardest part is not being able to express my emotions. For me to tell anyone what I'm really feeling inside is to show weakness, to admit defeat and failure. The harder I try to mask it, the stronger and harder my feelings amplify. It's a vicious cycle.
Some people who see my emotions and dark side think that my pain is derived from anger. That's not true, my pain is actually sadness, but like an alchemist, I converted it into a more usable form like anger and hate, because at least I can release my rage at the Gym or when I'm running.
lol I'm not sure what's going on inside me anymore, or what I'm supposed to do. I think I just need to man the fck up and quit being a little bitch. Thanks for listening.
"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody"
- Bill Cosby
No comments:
Post a Comment