Choice vs Destiny

Training

Here's my cardio and weight training schedule for the rest of the month. I'm pretty damn excited to get back on it. The other night, I went to the gym by myself, and man it felt freak'n amazing. For 2 hours, my mind was at total peace. Nothing like lifting some heavy-ass weights. Bootcamp is fun and all, but sometimes Level 7 just isn't enough. If I decide to return for the long run, I may have to get a weighted vest.

FIT TIP:
Your body adapts quickly so you should always change something up week after week. Add more weight, do an extra rep, decrease rest period, run longer, run faster, do whatever, but don't get complacent or you will hit a plateau.

Choice vs Destiny

Like I mentioned in my earlier post, I was never a big believer on religion or spirituality. I didn't believe in things like "fate" or "destiny" or any of that. I always believed that fate was in your hands. YOU control your life, YOU write your history. Stop waiting for things to happen, go out and MAKE it happen. If you want something bad enough, you go out and you GET it. Those were my views, and that's why I love exercise, because it's something that I can CONTROL.

You WORK HARD, you get RESULTS. PERIOD. If I want to lose fat, I cut carbs and do cardio and I lose fat. If i want to gain size, I eat more protein, lift more weights and I get my muscle mass. It's THAT simple. It's SCIENCE. It's my CHOICE.

However...

Recently, with the help of some weird books, I've been opening my mind to this concept of the human "soul." I've learned a lot of "life lessons," too much to write in a single blog post, but here's one important one.

Patience and Timing

I guess there are a lot of things in life you can't always control or explain. So instead of always looking for the answers, the best thing you can do is just be patient that "fate" will guide you. There is a time for everything, and instead of always taking the proactive approach, you just gotta chill out and let it unfold at the right time. Let it be, accept things as they are. Or something like that. The idea that some force may be guiding my destiny is very strange and weird to me, but I always keep an open mind. Lots and lots to learn.

Bottom line

It's all about balance. There are things you can't control, I'll admit it, but WEIGHT LOSS is something you CAN control (at least within your genetics). That's why I can't stand excuses like

"oh I was stressed so I had to binge eat."
"Oh I was out with my friends and they made me drink all that beer."
"Oh I'm Asian, I have to eat white rice."

Cut the crap, that's stuff you can control, it's called willpower.

The test group people have a lot of heart, I'll give you that. I hope you can all finish strong. Try not to get too complacent just because you see a few results and you got a few compliments, that's how you hit plateaus. You gotta always take it up to the next level and challenge yourself. Good Luck.

The Pursuit of Happiness

My "Transformation" was not so much about transforming my body, but more about transforming my entire life. 50 years from now, I want to be able to say, "I lived my life to it's fullest, I have no regrets." In short, I just want to be happy, and I believe that the key is in strengthening your Mind, Body, and Spirit, and making sure they are congruent with one another. Right now, my three pillars are at constant war with each other and there is on-going turmoil inside me. If I am to be happy, I need them to get along. I need balance and harmony.

MIND

My Mind is both my greatest gift and my greatest curse. I am INTRINSICALLY Right-Brained. In other words, I'm the creative dreamer, I go by feelings, emotions, dreams, imagination. HOWEVER, I was raised as a LEFT-brained thinker. I spent my entire life training in computer technology and bio-medical science. I use logic, deductive reasoning, analysis, and pattern recognition to solve problems. So essentially, this is my greatest gift because I am able to cover an entire spectrum of vantage points when it comes to creatively solving a problem. This helps a lot in many aspects of life, but at the same time it is the source of a lot of my pain.

It is my curse because, I think too much. I sometimes OVER analyze a lot of situations and it leads to insanity, madness, and many many sleepless nights. The worst is when the two halves of my brain fight each other. When I feel an EMOTION, I will try to LOGICALLY tell myself why I'm feeling like that, and then its just an endless cycle of turmoil. I need to learn how to CALM the mind. I took a week off earlier to travel, but I'm seeing that it was only a temporary fix. I need to find inner peace, which is what SPIRIT is all about.

BODY

My body improved so drastically, that my MIND and SPIRIT are still trying to catch up. My BODY has more goals to achieve, but I am unable to get MY exercise in, which gets extremely frustrating at times. I spend my weight lifting sessions helping others and I cannot complete even 20% of what needs to be done on a daily basis. I already told myself I would commit 60 days to helping others, so I'm going to keep my word and finish strong, but then I need to take a step back and work on myself again.

SPIRIT

I think this pillar was very new to me. Coming from such a science background, I did not have a religion or any spiritual upbringing. It wasn't until recently, I read a book called the Power of NOW that talks about the importance of spiritual enlightenment. It's very weird stuff, but essentially it teaches you how to calm the mind, how to get rid of emotional pain, how to live in the present moment, and how to reach INNER peace. That means, if you strip away everything you have, your possessions, your social circle, your ego, could you still be "happy" with who you are? Very deep stuff, and I'm still learning a lot.

Basically, the MIND controls the BODY, but the SPIRIT must control the MIND. Your MIND is only a tool used to solve problems, but it should not be who you are at the CORE. lol very deep stuff.

CONCLUSION

I'm being pulled in too many directions right now, with work, with friends, with family, with bootcamp, and the pressure and stress is really affecting me. I don't want to fail anyone.

I think the hardest part is not being able to express my emotions. For me to tell anyone what I'm really feeling inside is to show weakness, to admit defeat and failure. The harder I try to mask it, the stronger and harder my feelings amplify. It's a vicious cycle.

Some people who see my emotions and dark side think that my pain is derived from anger. That's not true, my pain is actually sadness, but like an alchemist, I converted it into a more usable form like anger and hate, because at least I can release my rage at the Gym or when I'm running.

lol I'm not sure what's going on inside me anymore, or what I'm supposed to do. I think I just need to man the fck up and quit being a little bitch. Thanks for listening.

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody"

- Bill Cosby